So it’s Thursday, my 12 hour day…
It’s odd, I am feeling both optimistic but also like shit, I know this is due to cold weather, lack of sunlight, life stressors, and just a general desire to tell people how I feel about them and how they treat other people. My therapist says that I need to find a better way to tell someone that they displease me, and that although it would feel good to say it, I should choose better words, the fact that I actually have a vocabulary that is broad enough to insult a person while making it sound like I am complimenting them is another point of amusement for me.

I have been surfing some auction sites lately and managed to pick up some badly needed things for my business like a functional AED and a traction splint. the traction splint also potentially serves to possibly end my days with a dislocated hip, either I reduce it or I separate the heterotopic bone enough that my doctor is forced to act, the decision is how badly am I willing to be in pain to get what I want? I still put a lot of my identity in my physical skills, I think that is natural, and it’s healthy and normal to feel bitter about the situation I am in, and it’s ok to be pissed about it, I just can’t waste time being miserable anymore, I have shit to do.

A firearm I have wanted for thirty years is back in stock online, I really wish I had the means to be able to get one, but it’s almost 2 grand and that is a lot of money when I have bills to pay and other things, but I can be wistful and lust after it.. because we can look with our eyes and not with our wallets.

I am debating getting into 3 gun matches again soon, I need some better hobbies, with my physical condition I have no realistic expectations to be competitive, but it would be fun, maybe Mrs. ZM will come and watch. There is also the possibility of doing military rifle events, I do have a national match 1903 that shoots quite well. These are all possibilities, for me though if I can get out once a week when the weather warms up and spend some time shooting I will be a very happy camper. we shall see what happens with Korstog.

regardless I am doing pretty good, the cold weather is f’ing with me on a level I don’t much care for and I can’t wait for it to warm up. I have officially become old.