So I launched my blog yesterday, well really relaunched it, I used to run a blog called the Zombie medic, but forgot to renew the domain name and it was gobbled up by another company and they are parking on it, those bastards.

Anyhow, I will start off by saying getting to this point has been a herculean feat and one that a lot of folks might not be aware of.

Allow me to enlighten:

In 2007 I had been having some hip pains for awhile, I chalked it up to years of lifting heavy people and falling down etc, i thought I was old, I was thirty – gasp.
That fall I did two things, 1 I started working a second job in EMS for a service in Saint Cloud MN, and I went back to school to get a degree in Web Design.
Now the plan for my web design degree went something like this, get my degree and start working part time or even freelance as a front end web designer, thats the guy who puts the razzle dazzle into a website and makes it look good, after a couple years of building my reputation I would go full time and leave EMS behind for good, hang up my stethoscope and call it a career.
What this would mean is that I would be working full time nights and going to school during the day, oh and trying to be a father and a husband.
What happened was I was running on only a few hours of sleep each day, and slowly killing myself. I lasted 8 months at that “Other” Ems Job.

In May of 2010 I left EMS full time, thinking I would be getting a new job shortly, I was out of work until August of that year, and went to work for Carlson Marketing as a User Experience designer, a year later I was laid off, So I went to work for Us Bank, I lasted a year there because I hated the fact I was sitting in a cubicle, it was around this time that I desperately needed to be working on an ambulance again, but could I? my lower back were killing me a lot, but i knew that I needed to feel like me again or waste away to be nothing.
I was blessed, an old friend was the director of the ambulance service I currently work at as a casual Medic, and it likely saved my life.
in 2012 a lot happened for me personally, was honored to be inducted into a very special group at the MN Renaissance festival, and started working for a creative web agency, I love fit there, I was able to creative, I had ducks and turkeys to pester, water falls to sit by, and some REALLY smart people to learn from.
Now there is a little side note here that is important later on, in March of 2013 while fixing my garage door, I fell off the metal cauldron I was standing on, scraping up my right leg, a wound that never healed right, a wound that caused me to get multiple infections over the course of the next year.
In April I was laid off from the agency and went to work for an orthopedic hospital in saint paul as a simulation technician, i loved working with my direct report boss, but didn’t get along with the rest of the staff, its that old medic vs nurse rivalry, anyhow.
in April of 2014 after dealing with infections for a year my doctor sent me to get a CT scan, which showed something odd on my left hip, which lead to me getting an MRI which confirmed.. Cancer, let me re-type that CANCER, a Chrondrosarcoma, which is a cancer of the cartilage and usually involves carving off chunks of people.
well this sucked.
I made the mistake of looking it up on the internet before I talked to my doctor, well I was convinced I was going to lose large chunks of my pelvis and possibly a leg.  I stopped eating and just got mean.
two weeks after the MRI results (seemed like a lifetime) I saw my doctor.
there is an old saying that goes something like this, if you can keep your head when everyone else is panicking around you; you have won the day.
So while I was wound tight as a drum, and seeing terrible things in my future, this short in stature man, who speaks very quietly, and is gentle as can be, looked me in the eyes and said with a calm even tone “how are you doing with all of this?” and then it happened all those fear I had came out, I applaud myself I didn’t start crying, but instead put on my “I have bad news for you mam” face and said it. He nodded and told me quite truthfully  the worst case scenario, and then told me what he was going to do. He also told I would likely never be a ballerina, since I hadn’t been one for 37 years perviously.
He took really good care of not only my physical being but also my mental being,  so we talked a lot, when the biopsy came back positive we talked some more and 6 weeks later they removed a 6 oz tumor from my pelvis.
The end result was I didn’t lose my leg, didn’t lose any movement, and that pain I was having for years in my lower back and hip is gone, I had gone so long with it I had forgotten it was there.

During my recovery, my direct report from the hospital stopped by once a week to see how I was doing and walk my dogs, no one else from the hospital reached out, this still really bothers me and I don’t know why, they also messed up every aspect of my short term disability.
I got cards from HCMC ambulance, Alina Ambulance, HealthEast (Where I used to work), North and of course Lake City where I currently work, and stuff from as far away as Reedy Creek Fire and rescue (You would know them as Disney World EMS)
That fall I left the hospital and went to work in a cubicle again.
but suddenly something was REALLY REALLY wrong.

I started having terrifying dreams at night, I wasn’t sleeping, and my mood was getting bad, I had reached a crisis point in my psyche, all that worry, all that pain, all that had happened to me had broken me.

I needed to do something, so I applied for a local EMS Agency (I work there, and who knows what will happen in this blog), a place I had wanted to work at for years, I got an interview, and made it there, now I knew that I wouldn’t get offered a job, I was beyond 10 years in the field and plus I wasn’t full time anymore, but I always like to interview for a job each year to keep my skills sharp, and to practice my elevator speech.
The test the gave was fairly easy, and walking into the interview was like walking into old home week for me, got a chance to see some old friends and talk about old times.
By some weird miracle I got moved on to the next phase which wa s a lifting test.
Ah the test, 6 months previously I had my pelvis re-built and held together with silver duct tape (its a silvery adhesive that hold my bone graft in place, they don’t like it when i call it duct tape)
I failed the test, the 100 pound box was my down fall, I turned to quick and pulled my back and all hell went loose.

I expected that that was that afterward, but low and behold they really wanted me, evidently new medics think ems is a 9-5 job with not a lot of runs, the fools.  so they said “exercise and re-build yourself, we will see you in April”
so i went home, put 105 pounds into a milk crate and for 2 months i carried that stupid thing around with me all morning while I made lunch for my wife and I, and made my breakfast and handled the mundane tasks of the morning. every other day I ate breakfast on a stationary bike.
last monday I walked in and did the physical test again, this time I did not fail, in fact i commented to the guy that the 45 pound weight seemed rather light.

So here I am, waiting for more info on the future, I know I am doing what I need to do to get myself back on track, I am leaving web design full time for a while, and fixing me, fixing my soul, and re-doing my portfolio website and taking on freelance clients so that should CANCER come back, I will have, and forgive me here, The Force as my ally, and a powerful ally it is.

Also if you happen to a female according to your drivers license, reach out to my wife, she does Pure Romance parties and she is really good.

www.pureromancebyanj.com