I speak a lot about living in the moment, years of EMS work and general life have taught me that live for the moment, let go of the past as best you can, and live like tomorrow you could be gone. Tell your children you are proud of them, even when they are just making lunch or getting a glass of water. Little ZM has reached that age where all he wants to do is sit in his room watching his YouTube videos and texting his friends, I hope he knows that I am so very proud of everything he has accomplished at his age, from his rank in karate to just being a good kid he makes me smile.
Make sure to tell all of your loved ones how much they matter to you, me personally I have a hard time with this because those years of EMS work have calloused my emotions, the long recovery time from last summers surgery hasn’t helped either, but i try to show that I am proud of them to the best of my ability.
The last year has heightened in me the concept that I probably wont make it to 100 like I wanted to, this used to bother me, now I just take each day as it comes I know that this fall will likely be another crazy adventure for me, with the new pelvis and all of the things that go along with that.
I will be honest I am scared what this will bring, the last time nearly broke me, if not for some drugged out hallucinations and my own pure stubborn nature it might have, but then “neither collar nor crown shall make me bow down” or in simple terms Cancer is a thing, it is a bunch of mutant cells that destroy tissues and lives, I am so much bigger than that. Unfortunately for cancer and failing pelvic grafts I had months last summer to plan and ask questions, and I have had months to prepare for the aftermath of my surgery this fall. I am working toward losing the weight, we are getting the house cleaned up, I will set some more firm expectations of what needs to be done, as well as plan for the future a bit better this time.
All of this planning and introspection as made me understand a whole lot better the concept of “living your life in a single flash of lightening” you are only here for a moment, live your life to the fullest, like lightening your life can be beautiful and if aimed properly it can leave a lasting mark on the world. I intend to leave my mark.
One of my favorite poems comes from Chief Tecumseh, of the Shawnee Nation, I read this several times over the last few years and it has become part of my outlook on life, should my day come I will pause, take a deep breath, and look the angel of death in the face and say “why hello my old adversary, I knew this day would come, care to have one last duel before we go?” Death always likes it when we fight him, it makes his day more interesting and besides he always wins in the end.
“So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart.
Trouble no one about their religion; respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours.
Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life.
Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people.
Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide.
Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place.
Show respect to all people and grovel to none.
When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living.
If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself.
Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision.
When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.”
Chief Tecumseh,
So in closing, plan for the worst but don’t forget to live your life, enjoy all that this world has to offer, kiss the pretty girl once in awhile, try something new, and of course always remember to believe at least 6 impossible things before breakfast each morning.