Things have been kinda rough for me of late, the stress of my upcoming surgery, learning to be a dispatcher, and functioning within my limitations might be catching up with me. Last Thursday was the three year anniversary of my first cancer diagnosis, and coincidently Friday was when my second bout of cancer was confirmed and when Dr. Clohisy told me that I would be getting the internal hemipelvectomy with the hip replacement, I didn’t really register those two dates until today. I spent the weekend and all of today feeling for the most part hopeless, every thing has been a lot harder for me of late, and its effecting my world. Sunday I reached my breaking point, Little ZM and I went out to see if my access card for the gun range I like to shoot at was fixed so I could get access, it wasn’t and then we came home, he went up to his room and I suddenly felt like a massive weight fell on top of me, and I broke down in the middle of my kitchen, every dark thought, every single moment of utter defeat came rushing out like a flood gate, and there I was crying my eyes out and punching my leg and hip, the hitting the hip thing wasn’t very smart, but it gave me something to focus my rage on. After a bit, I really needed someone to call, or just text or even tag me on Facebook so I would know I wasn’t alone, as it stood no one magically appeared to my pleas to the universe, I knew Mrs ZM was planning on being gone all afternoon but I need her, so I did something I don’t usually do, I asked her to cancel her plans so I could just get her home to help ground me, as the universe would have it Mrs. ZM locked her keys in her office so I had to go give her the spare car keys so she could drive home. The day progressed fairly well from there, I even went out in public to go visit a Viking re-enactment group that we are loosely associated with, saw a friend and went grocery shopping. Today hasn’t been much better, and I get to sit with a trainer again at work for a couple days this week and next so they can fix whatever it is I am having difficulties with, I am hoping someone can actually explain it.