Ring.. Ring..
“Destiny?… I have waited for your call” ~ Rhino, from the movie “Bolt”
Greetings true believers, I come to you full of glorious purpose today, I am feeling a bit like my old self, the half dozen Christmas cookies I ate when I got to work have nothing to do with this at all. But for the the first time in a long time I am feeling that old spark, that strength of purpose, that feeling that says “Yeah, I’m ready and willing to crush my enemies and see them driven before me.”
You see two years ago today, after much effort and more than a little fear, I slept in my own bed again. 6 months to the day after my catastrophic surgery, I celebrated by walking from the parking ramp to my desk using just my cane, although I had the crutches with me in case I needed them.
In a little over two weeks I turn 42, this is a monumental achievement amongst my more nerdy friends as according to Douglas Adams 42 is the answer to life, the universe and everything, incidentally if you add the numerical value of the word math you also get 42, therefore math is the answer.
Much of this feeling of power comes from some realizations I had, I am not somehow lessened from my infirmity, instead I am simply challenged, I was not cursed with poor luck but instead I was blessed with an opportunity to face my most darkest fear, to be unable to help my fellow man, some people grow up not knowing what they were meant to do, I on the other hand knew from the age of 4 exactly what I was meant for, and that was to be a helper, to care for the sick and injured, to comfort the hurting, to give kindness in a world so full of pain and hate. I also knew I was afraid of heights, wasn’t cut out to be a cop, and far to judgmental for a priest, so where does an acrophobic sinner with a hero complex go? You got it, EMS.
When my cancer took me out of the ambulance I fell hard, I got lost for a really long time, probably a lot longer than Mrs. ZM realizes, because I was taught how to remove myself from the darkest situations and put on a face of openness and compassion, I basically was faking until I could make it for most of the last 2 years or so, probably longer if you get right down to it. In April of this year I took advantage of my companies 6 free counseling sessions, as well as started on some anti-depressants. While in counseling I learned that my situation wasn’t my fault, that I was angry at a concept and not my reality, I was upset at the direction I was headed and the outcome of some of my decisions. I’m not proud of some of the things I was considering during that low point.
But I think we need to all go through that crucible once in awhile to get rid of the excess baggage we carry and find out our true metal, I am entering 2019 with a reinvigorated sense of purpose, my goals are simple and I am driven to blaze my path again and make new stories I will likely burn down some villages and lay waste to the surface dwellers