Yesterday I posted that I was feeling a bit lost, and was feeling like I was kinda losing myself. This morning I had a long talk with Mrs. ZM and was able to tell her I was wishing I was not here anymore, its not a desire for self harm, just a desire to not be here anymore. The last few years have been rough for me, honestly since I left HealthEast the way I did I have been seriously messed up in the head, the last 10 years have been a roller coaster for me in terms of my life, from highs to lows, to the sub basement of life during those dark times. BUT this morning I was able to remind myself, of a simple fact that I am not a soft and delicate flower, no I am prickly and hard to eradiacte, I was forged to be strong enough to handle the storms and come safe home, I forgot that my ancestors were pirates, rebels, conductors on the underground railroad, men who helped save the world twice, men who walked into the mouth of hell to pull angels out, and i myself have fought terrible monsters and helped give children their tomorrows back and gave loved one more time with their families. I am destined for rightous battle, and I forgot that. My biggest problem is that a lot of activities hurt, and because they hurt I dont want to do them. Time to rise and rise again until lambs become lions.
I also seem to be finding a lot of inspiration in bible verses of late, but I wont bore you with a bunch of those.

In other news the wanabes are out and about today, several people are looking for a particular ar15 style rifle that was recently used in a defensive shooting in wisconsin, but again because the pandemic is happening and everyone is freaked out we dont have it, but I can sell you a 2500 black rain in hunter green (Which if I had the free money I would have because its awesome)