I am 44 years old, I have been in public service all of my adult life, I have trained with and trained people in basic first aid as well as tactical ems operations. I have received two separate awards for valor for risking my own safety in defense of another person. I have helped hunt down and bring to justice pedophiles, racists, sex traffickers, and drug dealers. I have helped shape the course of patient care standards nationwide, and have seen the fruits of my labors first hand when I have run into my patients at the grocery store. After my cancer I started working with several groups representing minorities and at risk groups, I am proud to be the web designer for Operation Blazing Sword and for the national website for The Pink Pistols. I write this more to remind myself that I have not wasted my days and I have done things worth speaking about. The thing is, unless you are in my close circle of friends you likely wouldn’t have known any of these things, because I prefer to live a quiet life, even if sometimes I enjoy telling the stories of my past when around a campfire, because that’s the place epic tales should be spoken of.

A few weeks ago we had the verdict of the Derek Chauvin trial, leading up to this a congress woman from California was here in Minneapolis stirring the pot, which resulted in increased violence toward our police officers and the national guard here to help keep the peace. Several long time friends were feeling very upset over the activities and especially my cautionary response that violence may erupt regardless of the jury response. One of these friends or someone whom I thought was my friend attempted to try to bully me like she does with most of our friends, something that at one point she could do with me. But I have changed, I am no longer that person, I am something different, harder, more willing to fight vs retreat. because of a desire for peace and calm in my world I mostly do retreat the field because I have no desire to change someone’s opinion because I know its futile much as it would be futile to attempt to change my mind via an argument. Today i reached out to see how she was doing and she immediately felt it was acceptable to tell me I was in the wrong, etc etc. when I pushed back it didn’t go well.

Sometimes I just want people to let me be, I am going through troubles just like they are, I am filled with fear and self doubt, I am tired and worn out from the past year, I want to scream to the world that I am sick of the bullshit, but I can’t, because I am a big scary guy.